Twenty-Five Days of Christmas – Don’t you dare give him that!

Don’t give my son a noisy toy then send him home. I’m telling you now, forget that Santa’s watching…Mommy is. That toy will be only to play with at your house. I don’t care how popular it is. I see no way anything that noise could help motor functions, unless you consider covering your ears developmental. Yes I want him to be musically inclined but if it makes the same racket as banging on the pots and pans…he’s already got that covered.

I do not want anything that has the possibility of screaming, cackling, popping, whirling, whizzing at three A.M until I break down and retrieve it from the child’s bed. If this happens, expect a phone call every time my sleep is disturbed.

Do not give my child anything living. Either it won’t be alive for long or it will be lost in my house. Again,  if the lost, living thing wakes me. I wake you!

Do not give him anything sticky. If I must retrieve a toy from the ceiling, wall, cat’s fur, then it is not appropriate. If I must use a spatula, cleaning solution, or vacuum it does not belong to my child.

Do not give him something to torment, tie up, maim or eventually kill the cat with. If there is even a possiblity of these actions, and do remember this is my son we are speaking of, then do not do it.

My darling nieces, and little girl cousins whom I love so dearly…I may not live with them but do not give them slutty dolls. Skimpy outfits and breasts larger than mine are not good roll models.

Do not give them makeup. The cat, gerbil, and dogs will not look good running around with pink toe nails, blue eye shadow and ruby red lips.


Twenty-Five Days of Christmas – Stuff it!

Christmas is about stuff. We stuff ourselves, then try to stuff ourselves into those pants we could swear we wore in November. We stuff the stuff we bought into bags, boxes, and wrapping paper. We stuff our pockets with receipts and sometimes spare change. We stuff our credit cards so full that not another thing could be added.

We also stuff stockings.


In my house we do a lifesaver book, pez, orange and apple every year. Normally some candy that the boy hardly ever eats, yes he’s an odd one. A few little toys(which adds up over a childhood); bouncy balls, paddle balls, slime, whistles, stickers, gum, dominoes, fuzzy socks, hat, gloves, a wallet (money not included) erasers, pencils, pens, crayolas, markers, paints, animal crackers, temporary tatoos, funny straws, toothbrush, matchbox cars, army men, chapstick, dinosaurs, magnets, mini game boards, sillybandz, key chains, radios, bubbles, bookmarks, flashlight, coal shaped candy (I laughed, kid didn’t)…

K I’m tired of listing. Try here. It’s actually giving me ideas for this year!